Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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