It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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