Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
