Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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