I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
