I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
