Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize