drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
