Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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