I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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