I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
