highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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