Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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