Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
