I just saw a hot homeless man
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize