I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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