I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
