I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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