weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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