Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
