I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
