You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
