dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
