You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
jump out the window naked night went bad
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
