i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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