I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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