omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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