How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
