genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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