Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
