Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
