47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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