There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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