I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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