wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
