I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize