So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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