She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We got so high we made milksteak
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
