I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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