i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
