things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
