I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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