you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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