so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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