We won't sleep together?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
