Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
