Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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