So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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