I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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