we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
