i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize