Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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