i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
