What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize