did you get engaged???
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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