You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
