So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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