We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize