Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
