Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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