Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
