bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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