it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
