sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
