dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
