i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize