____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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